Long ago, before I ever met a transgender person, I thought that being transgender was weird and a little gross. I thought that, because that was what I had been taught by my parents and others, and also because I didn’t really understand what transgender was.
One day I saw a talk show that featured a little girl who was transgender, and her mother. At first I was surprised that a child could be transgender. But as I watched the show and learned about the pain and confusion the little girl had been through before her parents accepted that she was transgender, I decided to change how I thought. I didn’t want my beliefs to be the cause of pain for any child.
Over the years I read about transgender people, and also listened to transgender people and the parents of transgender kids. Here are some of the things I learned.
First, it is usual for children to play with toys and have interests that aren’t part of the stereotypical experience for their gender. Boys may play with makeup, and girls may play with toy cars, because those activities are just fun for them. They may also have a wide variety of taste in clothing styles and colors. Allowing children to play with certain toys or wear certain clothes, or allowing boys to use nail polish or makeup, will not make them become gay or transgender. And, showing interest in different toys and activities doesn’t automatically mean they are gay or trans. However, being shamed, ridiculed or punished for what they wear or play with does cause trauma that can last a lifetime.
Second, the issue of transgender children goes beyond just liking certain toys, or going through a short phase where they talk about themselves being another gender. Many (but not all) trans kids begin talking about gender, or insisting on wearing certain colors or styles of clothes, in preschool or earlier. Young children don’t yet know how sensitive adults can be about gender, so they’re naturally honest about their feelings. A child may repeatedly express anger, disgust or sadness about their genitals. They often just tell people that they are a certain gender, or refer to themselves as that gender. In play, they might frequently identify with characters who are a certain gender. It is never just a whim or a phase, but a deeply ingrained part of who they are.
Third, almost no parents wish for their children to be transgender. Not necessarily because they think being trans is bad, but because they’re afraid the world will be unkind to their children. And they’re right… throughout their lives, trans people face bullying, discrimination, rejection, and even violence. It is natural for parents to want to protect their kids. There may have been a few cases of unstable parents pressuring or forcing their child to present as trans. There are also parents who purposely make their children sick so they can get attention… but does that make children with genuine chronic illnesses, and their parents, less valid?
Fourth, trans people have existed ever since people have existed. The word “transgender” may not have been established yet, but the people were always there. The only thing that has changed in recent years is that more people have learned about it and become accepting of it If you grew up in the early 1990’s or earlier, you may have known a trans person, without even being aware of it. It may have been more common for trans people to hide who they were, but they definitely existed.
As I learned, I decided that if I ever met a transgender child, I would support and protect them in any ways that I could. I hope you will decide this too.
I wrote this story because it seemed to want to be told. Years after an first published “The Princess’s New Hair,” the idea of Princess Annalisa’s younger sibling started bouncing around in my mind. I thought, “Princess Annalisa learned that being beautiful has nothing to do with hair. But this sibling has something special about them too.” I pictured a little red-headed boy with freckles and a mischievous smile. What did he need to learn about himself? Eventually I realized that Annalisa’s brother had to convince his family was really a prince, and not a princess.
That is now Felix came to be. I hope he and his family can help other trans children and their families to be their true selves.
Because I wrote this book, I felt that I should use it to do something for the trans community. So, half of the royalties from this book will be donated to Trans Families, an organization that provides support to transgender and gender diverse children and their families.
(From “A Note To Parents And Caregivers”, The Prince’s New Name)
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